I, Chirpie, have now been held captive by this evil Pokemon for 13 days
now. I have had all manner of torture applied to me, in the name of
"enlightenment." Please, rescue me from this h*** I am suffering.
Whatever he is demanding, give it to him so I can return to my beloved Mandy.
I can even forgive her for allowing to fall into this cruel creature's
clutches, if only I can go home.
He's a raving lunatic!!!!!!!!! My fur is starting to fall out from the
stress that I am under. I apologize for calling him a hamster. I take back
every mean or stupid thing I have ever said. Just please, let me come home.
I'm begging you, save me!!!!!! You don't know what I'm going
through, you have no idea. He walks around muttering all day and scribbling
ramblings on scraps of paper. The strain of this has rendered me
infertile!!!!!!!!!! He has yet to starve me, but I feel this is only a matter
of time. Please, pay the ransom and let me come home, I am down on my fur